Grandpa

I was married some 45 years ago to Grandma whom I fondly call Dele. How did we meet? It is our culture that a girl or a boy cannot select a partner without the involvement of the family. This aspect of our culture needs explanation.

Nigerian families try to protect their progenies from hereditary diseases. And because of this, your future wife must come from a family free from such diseases as leprosy, sickle cell anaemia etc. Besides, some families have unworthy records of bad names and poor characters, such as smugglers, thieves etc. No one would like to get married into such families. So, in essence, the initial part of any marriage arrangement in our culture is to avoid marrying into undesirable families.

In our case, Dele and I had both met casually before and I remember mentioning to my mother that Dele will be an interesting wife. I had therefore narrowed my mother’s search. All she had to do was to find out her family history. A girl being investigated soon finds out and if she is interested she will ask her mother or a close relation to find out more about the boy’s family. This mutual search is a very strong part of our culture. It reduces the incidence of hereditary diseases and divorces.

Furthermore, in the process of the search, both families get to know each other very well – a point that makes Nigerian traditional marriages to endure.